


Apology

by Rocky_T



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-15
Updated: 2018-12-15
Packaged: 2019-09-19 14:59:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17003853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rocky_T/pseuds/Rocky_T
Summary: Chakotay learns just how hard it is to say you're sorry.





	Apology

**Author's Note:**

> This is all Jungle Kitty's fault.
> 
> Originally written and posted in September 2004.

Chakotay took a deep breath, steeled himself, and then crossed the threshold. It took a few seconds for his eyes to adjust to the semi-darkness; it was only his guilt that made the term 'gloom' come to mind, he reminded himself sternly. And then his courage deserted him entirely as he caught sight of her still form lying next to the far wall.

Cursing his cowardice, he forced himself to approach. There was no response to his faltering footsteps, of course. He stood there silently for a long time, confronted with the results of his actions. No, of his mistakes. It was his incompetence that had wreaked havoc on them both--but especially her, leaving her a broken shell of her former self.

"I'm sorry," he said at last. "I know it's such an inadequate statement, but I really and truly am sorry. I never meant for us to end up this way. I still can't believe it--you always seemed so strong, so indestructible. But even you had limits to what you could endure. To the suffering I put you through."

He bowed his head, wishing he dared reach out and stroke her. But he had forfeited the right to touch her ever again. "Who'd have thought our story would have ended like this?" he murmured. Even though he knew she could not hear him, he needed to say this anyway. "It was fate that brought us together, and you have to admit, despite our rough spots, we managed to make it work. For a while. But I expected too much from you, tried to push you in directions you were clearly never meant to go. It's not your fault-- _I'm_ the one to blame. And I know, now, I wasn't what you needed, either. You needed someone stronger, more knowledgeable. Someone without my disastrous track record. But in my arrogance, I thought I could do it."

Slowly, cautiously, he brushed his fingertips down her side. Despite the relatively comfortable room temperature, she was cold to his touch and utterly still. So different from the last time they'd been together--

A sob broke from his throat. "What makes it worse is this is not the first time I've hurt you. Oh, no. I've done it so many times before. You'd think I'd learn, but I didn't. We were locked into a destructive pattern, you and I. And each time I left someone else to pick up the pieces." 

He fell silent, thinking of B'Elanna's harsh words. "That's no way to treat her, Chakotay. Kahless, even Tom would never pull a stunt like that! What were you thinking?"

"I wasn't thinking--that was the whole point," he said now. "That mission with Seven--I should have paid more attention to you, noticed your reactions, seen what I was doing to you--well, it doesn't matter anymore. Nothing matters, because you're never going to be the same. Because of me." His hands clenched together convulsively. "I'll never be able to forgive myself. Tuvok would be justified in tossing me in the brig for the rest of the journey."

The silence in the room seemed to deepen.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered. "If I could make it up to you, I would. You've got to believe that."

At last he rose to his feet, turned his back on the twisted metal shape that would never throb to life under his hands again, and exited the shuttle bay.


End file.
